Excuse the silence.

but i’m not doing well and wouldn’t know where to begin talking about it and what would actually be the problem and what would be the symptoms.

an odd thing / crosspoint.tv

I have 11 draft posts waiting to go up on this blog (well some need tweaking) but I can’t seem to work on any of them, my life seems to move so quickly that by the time I get around to tweaking what I’ve written as draft in a rush when the idea hits me i seem to have moved (either on or back) so far that I can’t fill in the gaps without changing the message i want to get across.

Maybe i should just put out my half formed thoughts and let you guys see where my head was.

Anyway nothing big or life shattering this week, not much has changed from the last post but I wanted to introduce you to some people and some resources which even in the bad times I’ve still found useful.

the folks at and associated with crosspoint.tv a church in the states.

It is a campus based church led by Pete Wilson http://twitter.com/pwilson http://withoutwax.tv/ who to me seems to be a humble leader who is willing to admit faults and gaps in his knowledge while being an excellent communicator of his faith and Jesus

Other people that I have either found through crosspoint or through other means only to find they had links with crosspoint are:

Blake Bergstrom http://twitter.com/blakebergstrom http://blakeunfettered.wordpress.com/ You may know him from an unfortunate youtube video which he talks about here http://blakeunfettered.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/msnbc-interview-caught-on-camera-my-stupid-mouth/

Matthew Paul Turner http://twitter.com/JesusNeedsNewPR http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/ never a man to stand for the tacky and thoughtless parts of Christian Culture as can be seen here http://jesusneedsnewpr.blogspot.com/2009/11/jesus-candies.html

John Acuff http://twitter.com/prodigaljohn http://stuffchristianslike.net/ http://theprodigaljon.blogspot.com/ Not to my knowledge a member of crosspoint but has spoken there (and very well) and is a friend of Pete Wilson

There are more people linked with this church that i follow on twitter on read their blogs but if you like these three I’ll let you find them yourself. Though a good place to start would be my twitter list http://twitter.com/jockmcgonzo/crosspoint

A quick last word about the resources available from www.crosspoint.tv and of course iTunes.

they’re great their sermons are funny and enlightening and honest Go here http://www.crosspoint.tv/media/ to see what’s on offer i can heartily recommend the Q series and Religion Lies series.

1 step forward, 3 steps back

Subtitle – The conversation that doesn’t quite work in church.

Hmmm so it’s been a while… how are you?

me I’m fine… what you really want to know.

OK, I’m not doing so great, don’t get me wrong nothing major is going wrong in my physical life, i’m getting fitter, i love my wife, i love my boy, my job is good. are there things that could be better of course but fairly plain sailing.

so then why am I not doing alright. well it’s me and God.

let me give you a quick summary of my prayer life at the minute.

“Chris: Hi God, it’s me again how are you doing.

God: <no answer>

C: OK then. well it’s me but you know that. although i still can’t explain what happened last year and what role you played in it I want to thank you for the good things in my life right now. though I do have a few questions other than the normal one like why don’t I feel the same fire at church that i used to

G: <no answer>

C: How do I help Mrs Jockmcgonzo get in a better place with you?

G: <no answer>

C: Why do I feel more at home with a couple of guys in a pub then I do at the church I’ve been a part of for 10 years

G: <no answer>

C: What’s next for me? what is the next step to recovery?

G: <no answer>

C: What should be my vision for our future? has it changed? and if it has does that mean you were lying to me previously?

G: <no answer>

C: What’s the crack with my spiritual gifts now? should i be letting them waste away or should i be seeking opportunities to use them?

G: <no answer>

C: What should i be doing at church?

G: <no answer>

C: hmmm well I’ve got more of these questions God but it seems like you don’t want me to have answers so…

What’s the weather like the… oh wait that doesn’t work

it’s quite hard to keep a conversation going one-sided like this you know.

G: <no answer>

C: Right then, guess I’ll see you around sometime.”

Now I accept (though I don’t understand why) it’s my job to start the process of reconciling relationships that have been broken by the last 18months with people, but in my mind (puny though it is compared to His) i don’t see why i have to be the instigator and pursuer of reconciliation with the God who reconciled himself to all sinners everywhere?

Surely the best thing for me at the minute can’t be to be continually doubting that God loves me or would even deign to talk to me? my spiritual self-esteem is low enough.

I wish I could end on something positive but don’t think this is going to be one of those posts, this is more a psalm 88 post.

A new small group model?!?

Last week me and a couple of friends accidentally modelled the small group I’ve always been looking for.

 

what did this entail,

 

we went to the pub.

 

granted the other two brought paper bibles and i brought my iphone (with youversion on) and we chatted over a pint or two.

 

what made this all the more astounding (and enjoyable) was there was no agenda, no plan other than to meet together and (as a certain pastor is fond of saying) “do life together”

 

i learnt more about what was going on in their lives in those 2 hours than i had in weeks of church, football and even the occasional meal.

 

before you beat me down and say “but what about time in the word?”

 

we chatted about what God had been teaching us lately not just through sermons and bible studies but in blogs and life and talked about where we saw this in the bible.

 

“and what about evangelism?”

 

well after a rocky start with the bar woman, i did manage to have a nice chat with her and make a connection with her after my arm was twisted to buy a round.

 

“and what about worship?”

 

Granted no-one brought a guitar but I believe God saw our chatting as an act of worship at the very least on a par with some of the ‘joyful noises’ i have heard.

 

So have we recreated the small group for a new generation, almost certainly not. have we rediscovered what it can mean to get together and chat about the important things in life free from agendas and time constraints (excluding those imposed by our loving wives).

 

Yup!

 

so next month we may actually even tell the people we invited where it is going to happen and we have a vague idea of what we are going to discuss. will it be as successful? only time will tell.

Radical in compassion inside and out.

This post represent my second thought on the first part of my off-the-cuff list from http://jockmcgonzo.wordpress.com/2009/10/22/a-radical-church/ where i talked about where i think the church needs to be more radical, hopefully you will find it challenging, useful and constructive. (not in that order)

To me this is best shown by the parable of the adulteress woman.

The church needs to be like Jesus not those who wanted to stone the woman, this is not just the passive act of not condemning her but or actively defending her (don’t hear what I’m not saying we shouldn’t defend her sin but we should defend her), forging a relationship with her and through our love and our actions convincing her we love her and that she should turn from her sin.

It would be nice if the church presented this picture all the time but in my experience it does not.

It’s like the story from Yancey’s “what’s so amazing about grace” where the prostitute having been asked why she doesn’t go to church says “I feel bad enough already”

The church should not just be a place where the broken and sinful can go to be told how they should be better

It shouldn’t even be a place where the broken and the sinful can go week in and week out to be shown the love of God in worship and preaching.

It should be a group of people knitted together for common purpose which boils down to two things loving and worshipping God and loving others as you love yourself, what does that mean?

In this context that second command “love others as you love yourself” is the love Jesus modelled for us, it’s the love that dies for people who spit at you and curse you, it’s the love that dies for murderers and rapists, it’s the love that dies and takes our punishment so that we could come to know God.

I’m not expecting us to manage the level Jesus could though it should be our goal BUT the very very least we should do is the love that shows compassion and not judgement to people mired in sin, that shows compassion and not aggression to people having a hard time with God or the church, it’s a love that defends the weak, the broken, the hurting, the hungry, the needy. Don’t misunderstand me this love can also be a love that attacks but it attacks the vain, the arrogant, the proud and it does it for their good but that’s a post for another day.

so this is a bit of a confused rant now so what do I want to say.

Have you ever sat next to someone at church and thought “Gosh they smell” and not offered them your shower

Have you ever sat next to someone at church and thought “at least I’m not affected by that sin”

Have you ever avoided someone that was going through a hard time as it would make your life easier and you didn’t have the words

Have you ever thought i could help/spend time with that person but my TV show/book/music/church meeting is just too good at the minute

Have you ever pretended to be too busy to practically help someone snowed under because you wanted a night off.

in short have you ever looked at someone with a need you could fulfil but haven’t because it would affect you too much. that is the opposite of the compassion i want to see the church (the body of people following Christ) model to it’s members, it’s neutrals and it’s haters.

I have not got this right but at least I’m thinking how to change it.

A quick tech interuption

Things have been a bit serious and god related recently so how about some tech…

How in the world did I miss finding out about BumpTop when it was released!

If you haven’t heard of it and are sometimes frustrated by the windows desktop take a look at the video embedded underneath (once I’ve embedded it everywhere)

If you’re not frustrated by the windows desktop still take a look at the video underneath and you might become so.

If you’re watch the video underneath and want the same for the mac, sign up here http://bumptop.com/download.php (bottom right)

Unless I discover I’ve missed something else exciting in the world of tech we shall now return to our regularly scheduled programming

A Radical Church

well it’s been a couple of days so time for a new post.

I’ve been talking to friends recently about how the church can be a radical church and laid out a few areas where I would like to see radical ideas and initiatives come into play.

they are
radical in compassion inside and out,
radical in love and evangelism,
radical in worship and teaching,
radical in their reactions and behaviours on a Sunday, in a midweek meeting and through the week.

Now there is a lot of thought that needs to go into this before i blog more about what each of these means, but i read  last week a blog by Brad Johnson http://www.lifechangecommunity.com/lifechangecommunity/2009/10/god-let-it-be-this-way.html and what he talks about resonates with me as to what i’d like to see.

Go and read the post it’s well worth it, but assuming he won’t mind i’ll replicate a little bit here that floored me

And maybe, I am not supposed to watch a sister shamed, a brother shunned, even after they have been forgiven by the sweet touch of Jesus.  Maybe I am to shout down pretense, stand up for grace and pull my sister and my brother to the front of the church to teach us, rather than to the back of the church to languish.

What if it started with one revolutionary who has been so freakin’ blown away by grace that he or she just could no longer stand those polluted pockets of Christianity that hold stingily to grace, like it’s a personal commodity—and so he or she would have to scream, “STOP IT!”  Stop the hypocrisy.  Live with consistency.  Do unto to others, let love be your rule, invite heaven into this place, and finally, FINALLY have some thing, SOME PLACE that stops looking just like the world and starts looking like some place Jesus would call home.

Go read it!

Rant from Mrs Jockmcgonzo

Mrs. Jockmcgonzo wanted to get something off her chest and so i offered her a guest spot on my blog to be read by literally 2 people ;o)

well here it is

I,  Mrs jockmcgonzo think God is a complete f**kwit.
There I’ve said it. Although He does know as I’ve told him, plus you know He knows the secrets of my heart what with being God and all!!
I just don’t get it.
I don’t understand why.
I don’t understand why not.
I feel like the bruised reed the mr jockmcgonzo posted about. But I feel more than blinking bruised I feel torn in two and pushed well past my limit.

So more preciscely, why does God choose to intervene with some people and not with others? He does heal, I’ve seen it. I belive it. But only some people. That really bugs me! Either get involved or don’t! It’s upsetting me more that he seems to pick and choose.

My lovely, longed for baby girl, she had an entire church pleading for a miracle it didn’t happen, but yet her conception was a miracle. My gorgeous cousin was another miracle conception and despite being wonderful and beautiful has severe cerebral palsy.

In the space of two years I lost 4 people, two wonderful ladies (my grandmothers), and two beautiful little girls called Emma. One never got the chance to live, the other only got to live till she was nearly 4. I’ve had enough thanks.

Yes I have the cutest little baby boy, but I’m petrified (just like most mothers) that one day I will be in hospital with him because I don’t trust God that he’ll be okay. Why should i trust him? Everytime I seem to find my feet they get wiped out from underneath me.

Jockmcgonzo wrote about how he had prayed for mini jockmcgonzo and he got better, he was able to attribute that to God and trust He was listening (at least for a little while  - Mr jock) . I just feel God is lulling us into a false sense of security and like our neighbours, our precious lillte man will be sadly taken from us too young.

I know death is not the end and for many is a happy blessed relief from the pain and suffering. I know our baby Emma is far better off in the “loving” arms of The Father. As is the other beautiful Emma who left us to go play with our Emma. Both will never have to suffer anymore, unlike me.

I don’t blame God for taking people away… I blame him for not doing anything so they could stay.

I miss my baby. I never got to say goodnight to her.

I wish my aunt could hear her baby laugh like we heard Adam this week.

Why do we both have to suffer? Why does God heal one person but not another? Why is He an arse? Why?

I don’t really want answers by the way, because I really don’t like Him and I think i need time to cool off, besides I know all the answers really I just don’t find any of them any comfort.

SO there you go. I’m not doing okay. One day maybe. My boy is gorgeous but he doesn’t wipe the slate clean, he just creates a rainbow in the storm.

Thanks you for reading my one and only rant.

Church Leaving Myths and Clichés

this was going to be a tag on to “to leave or not to leave” but i thought it deserved it’s own space

I wanted to give my opinion on a couple of clichés about leaving the church.

Cliché’s 1 and 2

You should never listen to the opinion of people who leave the church & You should always take on board the opinion of people who leave the church

This is rot, you should always listen to people willing to give constructive criticism, if instead of these constructive suggestions you get vitriol and scorn then by all means ignore them but only after loving them and praying they find what they’re looking for. Just because they may be jerks doesn’t mean you have to be, be like Jesus and love them as they leave of their own accord

Cliché 3

Everything will be better at another church – if you’re thinking of leaving with this thought in your head, stay where you are, it won’t be, the best you can hope for is that it is be annoying/heretical/frustrating in different ways and you don’t spot them for a while, but the church will never be perfect as the church is people and people are flawed or as someone once said “If you find the perfect church, don’t join it, you’ll ruin it”

And to finish this short post a little joke with a healthy dollop of truth.

A man was stranded alone on a deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper’s attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After a while the sailor asks,“What are those three huts you have here?”

“Well, that’s my house there.”

“What’s that next hut?” asks the sailor.

“I built that hut to be my church.”

“What about the other hut?”

“Oh, that’s where I used to go to church.”

further update – what no clever title?

I believe I’ve started on the road to recovery, I’ve finally got round to doing what was suggested a couple of months ago and meetings up with people. some of the people had upset/angered me and we talked about that, some of them hadn’t and we usually still talked about it.

There is still a list of people i need/want to talk to but it’s a start.

I wanted to wait until i knew the full list then i could pick and choose but I’ve come to believe that God wants me to tackle them piece by piece (maybe because if i saw the full list I’d up sticks and emigrate)

On Sunday I was able to sing in worship of God and enjoy it.

two nights ago our boy wasn’t feeling good and I prayed that he’d be better and sleep (that i’d pray for this was a huge step in itself) and he did (and I gave the glory to God) [an even bigger step]

does this mean I’m cured and sorted. Well….. No.

After he’d got better and was asleep i became convinced that as ‘my God’ doesn’t do that sort of thing for me that it must be bait and switch ‘He’ must be curing him to take him away from me and so was convinced for a large part of the night that the lad would die in his sleep.

sounds like there are still some mischaracterisations of God in my head that run pretty deep and i don’t know how to fix them apart from just carrying on on the path in front of me step by step.